I am not a product of my environment. I grew up in a traditional American family, attended private schools, and went to church every Sunday.
During my childhood, we moved quite a bit. I changed schools nine times by the time I finished high school. In spite of this, I was an honor roll student, cheerleader, and leader of my church youth group, but I learned to build walls at a young age in hopes of protecting myself from fear of rejection. Later on, drugs would strengthen those walls and turn them into a fortress. I didn’t know I would become a prisoner inside my own mind.
I left home at 18. I had never tried drugs, alcohol, or even smoked a cigarette. One year later, I was experimenting with anything offered to me. I tried weed, pills, ecstacy, lsd, and cocaine, and eventually methamphetamine. I used Meth every day for the next year and half after trying it once. I couldn’t hold a job down, and I lived place to place hustling drugs.
Everything came to an abrupt end with a positive pregnancy test. I managed to stay clean during the pregnancy and birthed a healthy baby. A few months later, I was using again, and my family gained custody of the baby.
A year later I was tired of the streets, I decided to get my life together, and I got married.
We had two beautiful children. I was a stay at home mom and housewife. Postpartum depression led me to seek a doctor’s care to “cope.” I began abusing my prescriptions. After eight years of marriage. I left.
I was a functioning addict, raising my kids as a single mom, but pills weren’t enough anymore. So, I called up an old friend. I started using meth again. Every day.
My ex husband gained full custody of our children. I became homeless and an I.V. user.
I lived in my own personal hell, guilt ridden and hopeless of ever being anything but a junkie.
I finally reached out and asked my family for help. My parents sent me to a faith-based program that helped regain the strengths of my roots. I learned new ways to cope with everyday situations without drugs. I am now enjoying my new life in recovery, learning to depend on my Higher Power for strength, and learning to be a better mom.